Chapter 28

Chapter 28 . XIII (4)

After hurriedly fixing my disheveled hair, I entered the café.

I looked around briefly at the entrance for a familiar face, then laughed in futility.

A familiar back, huddled on a sofa.

Unlike the editor who still tried to look neat even after resigning, that author was as careless as ever today.

A bob cut left carelessly loose.

A roomy field jacket thrown on carelessly.

In winter, she had at least worn sneakers, but now that it had gotten a little warmer, she was in slippers without fail.

I moved toward Author Na Bit, who looked the same as always.

“Hello, Author Na. Have you been waiting lo…….”

I had greeted her as I approached so she would turn around.

But when the author actually turned, I froze where I stood.

“…….”

Author Na Bit, who had turned to look at me, was shedding tears in drops.

“What should I do…….”

She even began crying more earnestly after seeing me……?

“Just thinking about it…… hurts so much…….”

When the author began sobbing aloud, the eyes of the people in the café turned toward us.

Horrified by the gazes that gathered in an instant, I whispered,

“A-Author Na, please calm down. Author Na?”

But Author Na Bit only shook her shoulders, and I grew increasingly anxious.

Author, please don’t do this!

If they only look at your face, you seem much younger than me!

Ah, is that really why?

Whatever misunderstanding they had made, the gazes directed at me were growing colder and colder…….

---

Author Na Bit, who had barely calmed down, sniffled and said,

“I’m sorry. You were startled, weren’t you?”

“It’s all right. Your assigned editor changed suddenly, so I imagine you must be very stressed. I’m truly sorry too that I couldn’t stay with you until the end.”

Everyone, you heard that, right?

We are in a business relationship.

The morning drama you all jumped to conclusions about does not exist here.

With that intention, I deliberately spoke clearly and distinctly.

Fortunately, perhaps because that explained things to some extent, people’s gazes quickly scattered. Phew.

“I didn’t contact you for this, but suddenly, I felt a little strange…….”

“Haha…….”

It wasn’t because of me, right? Yes, surely not.

While I anxiously gauged the atmosphere, Author Na Bit took out a small box and held it out to me.

“What is this?”

“It’s nothing special, but as thanks for everything until now…….”

“May I open it?”

Nod—

With the author’s permission, I opened the box.

Inside was a pen.

Not a fountain pen, but a slightly heavy ballpoint pen?

“It’s a space pen.”

“A space pen?”

“Yes. It’s a pen you can use even in space. They say ordinary pens don’t release ink in zero gravity. So this pen is designed not to be affected by gravity.”

“It would be useful if I ever go to space.”

“It’s useful on Earth too. You can write with it while lying down, and you can write with it underwater.”

But there’s no paper in empty air or underwater.

I did a good job holding back the urge to say that.

“That’s amazing. I’ll use it well. But I didn’t prepare anything…….”

“No, how could I have the nerve to receive anything? I’ve only caused trouble the whole time…….”

Author Na Bit said this while lowering her head.

Right, reflection is necessary. For the sake of my successor too.

As I nodded inwardly, Author Na Bit brought up something unexpected.

“I’m confessing this now, but every time I received your feedback, Editor, I had nightmares.”

“Nightmares?”

“Dreams where I was dragged somewhere and made to do nothing but write. I’d have my manuscripts inspected day and night too.”

“When did I ever torment you like that…….”

“I think you were almost a dictator.”

“I was?”

I had been listening with a smile, but startled at that.

A dictator? Why me?

“You always spoke kindly, but I had no choice but to follow. You only gave feedback so accurate I couldn’t even argue, so somehow, whenever I received the corrected proofs, it felt like getting back a test paper where every answer was wrong…….”

At Author Na Bit’s complaint, I secretly stroked down my chest.

But it was not yet time to feel relieved.

“Because of that, sending manuscripts became more and more frightening……. Just imagining how much you’d laugh at my pathetic first drafts made me want to bite my tongue…….”

“Laugh? Author Na, never.”

“Of course you wouldn’t have. But every time a manuscript came back bright red, I felt ashamed…….”

Good grief, this author is doing this again.

“I’m sorry for whining when you’ve already resigned……. In any case, I was truly grateful. It was painful, but thanks to you, the result came out well, so, so I wonder whether I can do well without you, Editor…….”

I thought she was getting a little better, but this author was doing this again.

But taking care of this glass-fragile mind was no longer my role.

That would be the work of the new editor who would match breaths with her from now on.

So the previous editor should be waving a handkerchief from afar, but…….

I remembered Author Na Bit sniffling and swallowed a sigh.

Then, thinking this would be the last time anyway, I opened my mouth.

“Please don’t demean yourself like that, Author Na. If I’m confessing now too, I’m actually your fan. More than half the reason I became an editor was because of you too.”

“Hrrk……!”

“……Why are you reacting like that?”

I had revealed my identity for once, but Author Na Bit trembled and clamped a hand over her mouth.

As if she had heard something horrifying.

For some reason, I felt a little heated and expressed myself again.

“It’s true. I liked your work from your very first book.”

“XIII……?”

“No, 「One Day After Twelve Days」…….”

Don’t tell me there’s an earlier work I don’t know about?

If so, I would immediately be disqualified as a fan, wouldn’t I?

When I hesitated, Author Na Bit added,

“Yes, that one. I call it 13.”

“Ah, because if you add ‘twelve days’ and ‘one day,’ it makes 13?”

“No. It was originally 13. I split 13 into ‘twelve days’ and ‘one day.’”

Right, wholesome people would wonder what all this meant.

But I like even perverted details like this…….

“But 13 is something I wrote so long ago…….”

“I liked it back then, and it’s still my favorite work.”

I could see Author Na Bit’s face reddening in real time.

Perhaps the author also felt herself heating up, because she hunched her shoulders and buried her face in her field jacket.

“I actually knew…….”

The author spoke with her face hidden.

“Because you looked over my work so carefully, I thought, maybe he likes my writing…….”

At that mumbling sound, I was dumbfounded and asked back,

“Then why were you afraid of me?”

“Because if a fan was disappointed in me, that would be even sadder…….”

She really is a troublesome person…….

But what can I do? The one who follows must endure.

Like the longtime fan I was, I sincerely and wholeheartedly appreciated even the sight of my author feeling ashamed.

A little while later, the author came back out from her clothes and complained.

“I contacted you to say goodbye, but I’m only receiving help again. I envy you. I feel like you’ll do well on your own no matter what, Editor…….”

“There’s no way.”

“Really. Even when my protagonists were lost, you immediately found the right path for them. Naturally, I feel like you’ll do well with your own affairs too.”

For some reason, I felt stabbed by the author’s infinite trust.

Ah, I suddenly remembered.

Manager Kwon Mu-seop’s assignment.

And the fact that I still had not solved it.

Right, I had indeed found the way forward well for the protagonists inside novels.

But that was because I knew the whole situation, and because if it was wrong, it could be revised.

More than anything, I had been an observer, not the person involved.

But this editor, who had only ever commented from the sidelines, had suddenly become a party to some incident.

So I was searching for a motivation to give myself, and I was still lost.

Because no matter what I brought up, it felt artificial.

“Author Na, this is a slightly different topic…….”

Since it came to mind, I quietly brought it up.

“Say there’s someone who could die if things go wrong. So that person needs motivation for survival. If you were to give this person a reason to ‘absolutely keep himself alive,’ what would be good?”

“Mission, revenge, love?”

“Those are the classics. But he isn’t that dramatic a person. He’s just a person without even a family or lover, let alone a belief or grudge.”

“Ah…….”

“So they’re telling him to get a girlfriend, at least…….”

“When his life is on the line? Isn’t that too foolish and irresponsible?”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Yes. It would be one thing if they had loved each other for a long time, but at this point, even if feelings developed, drawing a line would be correct. And giving that much meaning to a hastily made lover is awkward too. That isn’t being drunk on that person, but on the self that loves that person. It’s an inappropriate sudden acceleration.”

……There was no room for rebuttal.

Right, I had thought from the beginning that this was not it.

Having her point all this out one by one did clear my chest, but…….

Then what kind of reason should be given to a character named Seo Do-un?

“What if he just accepts death?”

At the author’s words, I was inwardly startled and laced my fingers together.

“For example?”

“He tries to survive, but if death comes, he simply acknowledges it. Like, so this is my last moment, but at least I can die as myself, and that’s a relief.”

“The point is to stop him from dying that freely…….”

“If he feels free, that’s actually good.”

“Pardon?”

“If he doesn’t have some mission, revenge, or love to devote his life or existence to, that means he can decide for himself what kind of person he becomes.”

“…….”

“Since he’s in a rare free position, he can just do what he likes. Living and dying entirely according to his own will.”

“What if that lowers his survival rate?”

“Wouldn’t that be all right too? Simply living a long life isn’t necessarily the best. I think one year that shines without regret is better than 100 meaningless years stretched out.”

“Haa…….”

As I listened to Author Na Bit, I laughed weakly.

So this must have been why.

Why Manager Kwon Mu-seop’s assignment had continued to feel wrong.

The reason I absolutely had to keep myself alive.

If I had such a reason, I would have to shake off Lee Sol and board the train.

And hide in the ruins, praying for Baek Sa-ra’s death.

But I do not want to do that.

I do not want to survive like that and swallow bitterness while devoting myself to self-justification.

Just as Author Na Bit said, I only want to choose according to what I prefer.

“And I don’t think death is necessarily bad.”

As I swallowed a hollow laugh, Author Na Bit began chattering again.

“Death is completion and closure. And there may be something else beyond the death we believe to be the end. Perhaps all of this is a role-playing game, and after death, the people who killed and were killed by each other might say, ‘I lost this round. Want to play another?’”

Right, Author Na Bit’s unique view of death had been venerable since her first work.

I think I was influenced by it quite a bit too.

For a fan like me, this kind of author TMI was a sort of reward.

As I smiled and listened, Author Na Bit, who had been chatting happily, belatedly looked at me.

Then her complexion rapidly turned pale.

“……Don’t tell me this is about you, Editor?”

I merely smiled.

Then the author’s mouth became busy in another sense.

“Of course, naturally, people should do their utmost to live. Death comes once anyway, but once you die, you can’t undo it. So every person should live as much as they are given, no, if possible, so that they can live a long life…….”

“Yes, I am also planning to try living as much as possible.”

Before the author could cry again, I gently cut in.

“But the person treating me told me to make a reason I absolutely have to live. So I asked.”

“……That it’s foolish and irresponsible is just my personal opinion.”

“No, I came to a similar judgment myself…….”

The atmosphere became awkward for no reason.

So I was about to change the subject when Author Na Bit suddenly spoke.

“Then how about this?”

“Yes?”

“First, decide the ending. Your ending for the current situation, Editor.”

“And after deciding?”

“You have to complete the story.”

The story?

When I tilted my head, Author Na Bit asked while watching my mood.

“Wouldn’t that become a reason?”

“Ah…….”

When I finally understood, Author Na Bit shyly added,

“An unfinished story is unacceptable, isn’t it?”

“That is true.”

“Even if you die, you have to finish it first.”

“No, for us, the health of authors is the top priority.”

“Just die, or finish and then die.”

“Those choices are too…….”

In the end, I laughed, and Author Na Bit also smiled softly.

Decide the ending and complete the story.

This was advice one would give an aspiring writer.

But I must really be a hopeless workaholic.

Seeing as this resonated with me far more than being told to get a girlfriend.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

I said this with a hollow laugh.

I am an ordinary person without belief, grudge, or family, who has lived reasonably well without such grand motives.

Just a person neither passionate nor reckless enough to entrust the reason for my life to something else.

At the same time, I am the hidden fan of a certain author, and an editor.

If a reason to absolutely survive were to be given to someone like me, perhaps something like “because a story should be completed if possible” would be appropriate.

And if it was my ending, there was not even a need to think about it.

“Author Na, please keep writing. Until I return.”

Since my fanhood had already been discovered, I spoke with personal desire mixed in.

While thinking that I would like my epilogue to be a scene of me looking over your new work.

Did my thoughts reach her?

My dear author only smiled.